The Only Lemon Poppyseed Cake Recipe You'll Ever Need

Hi Friends!! I'm still not crafting, but I am still cooking and trying new recipes, so I thought I'd share. My grandma had a birthday a few weeks ago, and this is the cake I made for the occasion. Lemon Poppyseed is her favorite flavor (and conveniently mine, too!), so I knew I had to find something yummy for her.

Oh.

My.

Word.

"Yummy" does not even begin to do this cake justice. It's AMAZING. It's like a little piece of heaven on a plate. It's... well, it's the only lemon poppyseed cake recipe you will ever need. Ever!! It is just that good. Here's the recipe:

Ingredients
1 (18.25 oz.) pkg. Lemon Cake Mix
1 (3.4 oz.) pkg. Instant Vanilla Pudding Mix
4 Eggs
3/4 c. Vegetable Oil
1 1/4 c. Water
1/3 c. Poppy Seeds

1 (21 oz.) can of Lemon Pie Filling

1 (3.4 oz.) pkg. Instant Lemon Pudding Mix
1 c. Milk
1 (8 oz.) container of Cool Whip, thawed

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 9x13 inch pan.

2. In a large bowl, stir together cake mix and vanilla pudding mix. Make a well in the center and pour in eggs, oil, water, and poppy seeds, as shown below.

I buy my (Holland Blue) poppyseeds (and most of my other spices... their vanilla is divine, by the way) from Penzey's Spices. Check 'em out if you're looking to replace the boring old store brands with something a little fresher. While you're there, sign up for their catalog. It always has awesome recipes in it. Anyhow, where were we? Oh, yeah...

2. Beat on low speed until blended. Scrape bowl, and beat 4 minutes on medium speed. Pour batter into prepared pan.

3. Bake for 35-40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool completely. NOTE: When the cake comes out of the oven it will have a beautiful domed top that will sink as it cools. the cake will also pull away from the edges quite a bit... fear not! We'll fill in that space with something yummy in a minute...

4. Spread lemon pie filling over the cooled cake. (See, I told you!)

5. In a large bowl, mix instant lemon pudding with milk. Mix well and let stand about 5 minutes until fairly set. Fold in Cool Whip. Spread over pie filling.

Mmmmm.... lemon-y Cool Whip!!! YUM! I love Cool Whip anyhow, but this takes it to a whole new level.

6. Refrigerate at least 4 hours before serving.

Sometimes I don't care for leftovers of those salads (like Pistachio Salad, for example) that mix Cool Whip with pudding because after a day in the fridge the texture of the cool whip changes completely. I'm happy to say that it was not a problem at all with this cake. We were still eating on it a few days later and it was just as good as day one.

Here's the finished product:

Let me know if you try this, because I would love to know what you think of it. It got rave reviews from the entire family, and the neighbors who were lucky enough to score a few pieces, too. I'm sure you'll love it!

White Chocolate Snack Mix

Do I have your attention?

;)

I haven't blogged over here in awhile, so I thought I'd do a quick post just to let y'all know I'm still alive and kickin'. I made this AMAZING snack mix last week, and thought I'd share it with you all. I am not a fan of white chocolate at all - AT ALL - but this mix is absolutely divine. You'll have to try it some time. It makes a huge batch, and everyone gobbles it up! I took it to a party and people literally hovered around the bowl!

Here's the recipe:

5 c Corn Chex
5 c Cheerios (I used multigrain)
2 c Salted Peanuts (I used Dry Roasted)
10 oz Tiny Twists Knot Pretzels
1 lb M&M's
2 - 12 oz bags White Chocolate Chips
3 T Vegetable Oil

Mix first five ingredients in a large bowl. Combine chocolate and oil in a sauce pan over low heat until chocolate is melted. Pour melted chocolate over cereal mixture and stir until coated. Spread mixture out on waxed paper to dry, then break apart to serve.

Seriously... sooooo good!

I haven't been crafting much lately at all. I go through phases where I think I might just sell off all of my stuff, and then I come to my senses. I have been struggling with stamping, because I keep thinking of all the nights when I would rush to get the kids in bed so I could get a few extra minutes to stamp, when I would give every piece of me to have a few of those minutes back with Henry right now. :( Stamping has taken on a kind of negative connotation for me, and I think that is what is keeping me away from my craft space. But, even if it weren't for stamping, bedtime was still bedtime, so I know I am just being irrational... but it still is a bit of a trigger for me, so for the time being I'm laying low.

Maybe I'll just start posting yummy chocolate laden recipes instead. heh. Kidding!

Take care, and you'll hear from me soon...

three mothers, four generations

I caught some flack recently for not blogging lately. *ahem*. I can't say I have an exceptionally good reason for my lapse... I just haven't been blogging. I've been keeping myself busy with choir, dance rehearsal, and reading. I thought I'd take a minute to post a new picture for you all, and give you a little update on our family.

The picture I have posted above was taken on Mothers Day this year... all four generations on the maternal side of my family. Mothers Day, as always, was pretty low key this year. I'm sure people wondered how I was doing that day, given the death of our son in November, but I did ok. I find that I do well in the times when people would expect me to break down, and then break down at random times when it hits everyone out of the blue.... Except that I don't think I've ever been with anyone during one of my breakdowns, so many people think I don't have them. Well, they'd be wrong.

The pain of losing a child is deep, and I'm certain it will never leave me. I do my best during the day to stay strong for Jack's sake. My mind wanders to Henry frequently, but I will myself to think of the happy memories we had, and not about the last few days of his life. If I allow myself to reflect on those days, I feel myself sliding down a slippery slope of regret, self blame, and despair. It's not a pretty place, and deep in my heart I know that I am a good mother and did all I could for my son, however it is hard to not reexamine every little detail. Maybe if I had pushed harder here, maybe if I had taken this more seriously, maybe if I had prayed harder then. Maybe, maybe, maybe. In the end, those thoughts get me no where and serve no purpose so, as I said, I don't linger on them. I choose instead to focus on the wonderful days I had with my precious boy, the glory that beholds him now, and the day we will all be reunited again in God's kingdom.

Although there are many things to be sad about, there are also many things to give thanks for. Jack continues to blossom into an amazing little boy, and thrills all of us daily. He is so much like Henry, yet so different. It's amazing to see the similarities and contrasts as he grows. His vocabulary is expanding daily, and although he's clearly pushing his limits as well as any two year old would, he is also developing a softer side that allows for snuggle time and kisses that melt me. He is my saving grace.

The mister and I have been spending some time re-examining our diets in terms of what kinds of foods we are eating and where those foods are coming from. We've been transitioning to more whole foods and much less processed food. We've cut out soda entirely, as well as other artificially sweetened drinks and are moving towards more organic produce, dairy, etc. We're looking forward to the bounty of locally grown produce that comes with summer, and are visiting the first farmers market of the season tomorrow in Berlin and Princeton, WI. Jackie got a new haircut today, so we might have to take the camera along and make some stops for a few bloggy photo ops!

Stay tuned!

Note of Thanks

Hello friends! I don't want to go so far as to say, "I'm back," but I did stamp a card tonight! I needed a thank you card for one of Jack's therapists who is leaving us. I bought this set a few mos ago from a friend and thought it could use some ink. I have to be honest with you though - stamping isn't really the same as riding a bicycle in that I think you *do* forget how to do it if you fall off the wagon for awhile! I had some serious mental blockage tonight, but I think the end result is cute. You'll notice I even decorated the inside, which is rare for me.

This baby is all Stampin' Up! Riding Hood Red, Garden Green, Chocolate Chip, Tempting Turquoise, etc. It has been a long time since I've been able to say that, too... even when I was stamping regularly.

Things here are going ok. Some days are better than others. Some hours are, too. I still can't believe my little guy is gone. I see his picture at the top of the blog every time I log in and it just seems like he's upstairs sleeping (I always blog late at night). In short, it sucks. But I manage, through heavy prayer, the grace of God, and the love of friends and family. I'll tell ya though, I've never been more excited in my life to get to heaven. Not saying I'll do anything to speed up the process, but hopefully you understand.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support,

my mom is a survivor

My mom is a survivor,
Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night,
When all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night,
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I"m with her
To help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
That never wash away -
I watch over my mom
Who thinks of me each day

She wears a smile for others,
A smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's doors I see
Tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows

It is her way to survive.

As I watch over my mom

Through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels
Protect me forevermore.

I know that doesn't help her...
Or ease the burden that she bears
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
And show her that you care.

For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels,

My mom has a broken heart

That time will have to heal.

~Author Unknown

Hop Up Jump In!

I know it has been ages since I've posted a card (and done any stamping, for that matter), but I am just not feelin' it lately. I want to stamp, but I have this block that just prevents me from doing much. I actually sat down with some stamped images and my copics one night and just stared at it all for a good hour before I gave up and went to bed. I didn't make a single mark!

Jack's birthday is coming up, and I've always made all of the cards for the boys. I made all of their baby announcements, thank you cards, birthday invites, baptismal invites, etc. Heck, I even made all 60 of my baby shower invites and the thank you's for that as well. I tried like the dickens to get out of making these birthday invites. I even BOUGHT invites! But, guilt got the best of me, and I went ahead and popped out six of them. It's hard to make cards when you're not feelin' it... and it's even harder when they don't make stamps in the images of the people you need!

I improvised with some Handy Manny stickers I found at a local stamp store, and used them on this much loved layout (remember this?). Below you can see the inside of the card:

I don't know what I did to my camera, but all of my pictures look so washed out lately. It's not just this light and/or set up. No matter where I take a picture, it looks washed out. I'm going to have to google that and see what button I pushed or take it to the camera store to get it straightened out one of these days.

Anyway... I made six cards. I used elegant eggplant and real red, trying to coordinate with the stickers as much as possible. They turned out pretty girly for a handy man, but hey. At least they got done. Here is a pic of the whole batch:

Several of you have contacted me asking for more information about the card ministry I mentioned in my last post. I was hoping to get that off the ground before Valentine's Day, but I'm behind. I'm struggling with a lack of motivation lately, and lots of indecision. I've been joking with my family that I should be the president of the 80% club, because I've been starting all of these projects but not finishing any of them. I've read that this is a common response in the grief process, so I'm not overly concerned about it. This too shall pass, right? As I get more organised with the card ministry, I'll post details here. No telling when that will be, but still... you'll be the first to know.

Also, if you pop over to my family blog from time to time (link at top of sidebar), you'll notice I made a nice overhaul to the look of it. I still have a few things I need to clean up. Some font issues, etc. But again... 80% club. *sigh*

I hope you are all well! I miss traveling the blogosphere on a regular basis and seeing all of your wonderful creations. I've pretty much just been trying to take it easy and losing myself in mindless games on facebook. This too shall pass.... Eventually.

Blessings to you all -

pearls make the man

When I was a child, I had a cat named Fluffy. She was a long haired angora and was... well... Fluffy. Hence the name. *wink* For entertainment, we would take the ring from a jug of milk and tie a string to it and the Fluffster would chase me around for hours while I dragged that ring on the floor behind me. No one told me I was practicing for parenthood, but as it happens, Jack will react the exact same way when I drag a strand of Christmas tree pearls behind me! LOL!

He was absolutely fascinated with these pearls, and they kept him happy all the while I dismantled my Valentine's tree last month (yep, you read that right. I had a tree full of hearts and pearls. I know. You don't even have to say it.). After I gave them to him, I realized that it was probably not the brightest idea I've ever had (hello! choking hazard!), but I watched him like a hawk and scooped them up as soon as he was distracted for a second. In the meantime though I got a ton of great blackmail pictures. hee hee. Nothing like a shirt full of tools, some camo pants, and a string of pearls. I'd say that outfit's complete!

i am not alone

Speaking of people who left this world too soon, I'm reminded of one of my favorite comediannes of all time... Gilda Radner. I've actually been thinking about her a lot lately. I generally do everytime the Olympics roll around because I can remember laughing my arse off as a child at Gilda's recurring role on Saturday Night Live as Nadia Colmaneci. I wish I could find those videos on youtube, because they are truly hilarious. If you search for Gilda out on the 'tube, you'll find lots of funny material, but nothing that quite compares to her scrunched up little face as she eeks out "I... am Nadia COLMANECI!" Just thinking about it makes me giggle!

I was going through some papers today, working toward my never ending goal of total organization (tell me, is that even possible? I'm beginning to think not), and at the bottom of a stack of books I found the folder we received from the funeral director when we were planning Henry's memorial service. In the folder was a little booklet called Facts Every Family Should Know About Funerals, and in that booklet I found several quotes and phrases that touched my heart. I'll leave you with this one for today...

I wanted a perfect ending.

Now I've learned, the hard way,

that some poems don't rhyme,

and some stories don't have a clear

beginning, middle, and end.

Life is about not knowing,

having to change,

taking the moment

and making the best of it,

without knowing

what's going to happen next.

Delicious Ambiguity.

~Gilda Radner (1946 -1989)

the weight of grief

Well friends, it was four months ago today that we lost our sweet boy. In some ways it seems like only an instant has passed, and in other ways it seems like an eternity. One question I'm often asked is, "how are you doing?" I can't fault people for asking - it's something I'd be asking too, if the roles were reversed. It's a hard question to answer, because the answer changes mulitple times a day - sometimes multiple times an hour. The weight of grief never leaves me, however I am able to compartmentalize it from time to time if I'm distracted by a movie or a tv show or a game or what have you. In general though, I just feel... well... heavy.

It's an odd feeling, and one I've never experienced prior to November. When I move, I feel more weighted. When I exercise, it is more difficult. I can physically feel pain in joints where before there was none. Granted I have also had a small weight gain during the past four months, but I am no where near my highest adult weight, and yet at times feel as though I've surpassed it by leaps and bounds. You may have heard people use the expression that their "heart is heavy," and perhaps it's the same kind of thing, except that it has expanded to encompass my entire being.

On top of the weight, there are emotions. They come and go, generally whenever they feel like it. A few people have told me that I don't have to be strong in front of them. Somehow suggesting that I am in control of these random emotional breakdowns I have. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Triggers don't seem to give much advanced warning. Last week was especially rough for me, starting with the day I had to throw away our pumpkins. Visiting the pumpkin patch was something grandma, great-grandma, and I did with Henry every year, and I believe was the last outing the four of us had together. I had saved the pumpkins, thinking we'd carve them on October 30th. That was the morning Henry fell ill though, so the carving never happened. I didn't think much of it at the time - I figured he'd be just as happy to carve them a few days later when he was feeling better. Little did I know.

The pumpkins sat on this bench on our back porch, right where he set them, from October through the last week of February. Yes, that angel you see in the picture was there the whole time. One of many strange coincidences I've found in the past few months. So, with the weather warming a bit, the pumpkins softening, and garbage day approaching, it was time. I didn't want to do it, but I did... and then I cried. I cried long and I cried hard for about a week straight over these pumpkins, over the loss of my boy, over the senseless loss of another child in town, over milestones we'll never get to reach, over questions about the future, over the generosity of friends and family and friends we've never met. It all brought me to my knees.

As most things tend to do, it passed, and after several days I was back to my old self (which is actually my new self, all things considered). The whole experience is sad, but that is to be expected in times like these. I don't think there is any way to avoid it, and I'm not sure I want to avoid it, because I think those low times help me to cope with the loss, and to continue to look to the future.

On a lighter note, if you're a regular visitor to my blog and aren't stuck in google reader or some othe third party port, you should have noticed a major change to the way things look around here! I've spent a few days revamping my family blog. A new name (which my facebook friends should recognize from my many notes on facebook in the past four months), a new look, and a new feel overall. I'm still not entirely sure where I'm going to go with this blog, but I'm considering end of day posts on a regular basis on all sorts of topics.

Think Doogie Howser...

*grin*

Sooo...

What's all wrong with this picture?

Let's see....

1. Jack likes to take his pants off at nap time sometimes. Like this day.

2. Aaaand what's that you see just a few inches behind the pants? That would be a diaper. The diaper. As in, the one he was wearing when he got in bed.

3. Note the dark spot on the sheet near his right foot. That would be wet. And the best part is, he was fine until he saw me. I excited him. :)

4. That was my first thought anyhow... then I realized that whole half of the crib sheet was wet. *sigh*

5. Check out the big smile! He's so happy to be airing out and shooting his willy all willy nilly around the room.

As a side note, how about those ugly crib rail guards!? Jack went through a "I'll chew my way out of the crib" phase, so I improvised and tied fleece blankets over the rails with the ugliest ribbon in my collection. Fear not though, Raggedy Ann and Andy fleece is in the house, and new guards that match the nursery will be done soon.... although I think we've passed the chewing phase and probably don't even need them anymore.

It has been awhile since I've blogged, so I thought it was time for an update. We're getting through the days, trying to stay positive and focus on the future. There are very few days without tears, but we're getting through with each other.

Thanks for all of your continued prayers and support.