Dream More by Dolly Parton

I have been very convicted in recent months about reading. I love to read. I read quickly, and have no excuses for not reading more. I spend countless hours online with various projects and at least one game, but fail to make time for one of my biggest loves. Sometime in December, I decided that one of my resolutions for 2013 would be to read more. One per month is totally doable, right? That's what I thought. My hope is to read far more than 12 books this year, but I'll be happy with that number. I set a goal for myself to read one book a month - any book, whether novel or biography, long or short. Just READ! Of course I read nightly with my son, but somehow it isn't the same. Not only do I miss the deeper plots, but I also miss the journey that comes along with a good story. I also want to make time to read during the day, in hopes of showing my son that sometimes it's ok to just sit down with a good book for awhile. Activities don't always have to be high energy. He has down times when he watches a show (though he's really not a fan of tv and movies, thankfully) and maybe during those times if he looks over and sees mama reading, it will make an impact on a deeper level.

At Christmas one of my closest friends bought me this book, Dolly Parton's Dream More. We are both long time Dolly fans, and he knew I'd love it. The book is short - short enough to read in one day if you have that kind of focus (I used to, I'm trying to get it back). In the book, Dolly talks about the commencement speech she gave at the University of Tennessee and the thoughts and feeling she had leading up to it. She talks about the dreams she has had in her life, and how she has moved past the naysayers in her life. I took inspiration from the book and can easily apply her thoughts and suggestions to both my personal life (distance yourself from the people who only drag you down) and my professional life (never give up on your dreams, and keep learning).

She talked about caring more and giving back. About being the best person you can be, and loving God and doing right, but keeping your sense of humor along the way. It spoke to me on many levels, and I'm grateful to have had the chance to read it as my first book for 2013. It helped me to get in the right mindset for a positive 2013 and gave me some inspiration for ways to grow and build my new direct sales business with Origami Owl. It probably spoke to me in ways she never could have even imagined, but isn't that the way writing goes? You never know which words will hit home or what story the reader will relate them to.

I recommend this book to any women who love Dolly, who are interested in knowing more of her story (she talks about the background for her Coat Of Many Colors song in detail, for instance, which is another source for inspiration and makes a fantastic message in the anti-bullying movement). I'd also recommend this for anyone starting out on a new venture, who is maybe questioning their dreams or their goals. It's a short read and well worth the time, even if it takes you the better part of a month like it did me. *grin* In my defense, I read it in two sittings. Those sittings just happened to be two or three weeks apart! Some day I'll get back to my old "chapter a day" mentality, but it may take time.

What's next? Well, I'm thinking it's time to finish the Hunger Games series. I read the first one just before the movie came out. I bought the other two at the same time, but never continued the series (despite LOVING it). How does that happen? I don't even know. I should have no problem zipping through those two books though. Maybe I'll finish them BOTH by the end of February! Wheeeee!

Les Miserables and General William J. Palmer

This is a long post. Possibly the longest blog post I've ever written. I assure you though, every word is worth it as I describe my encounter with a little piece of history. Please read on...

About five years ago I was a new stay at home mom looking for ways to fill the days with my little Henry. One of the things I did in those days was visit the library. Often. I sifted through books while he slept beside me in the car carrier or the stroller, hummed songs from the CD's I'd flip through, and show him bright pictures from all of the children's books that our local library held. One day, I saw a sign for a used book sale and decided to return for the event.

Used book sales at our library are not uncommon. As books are donated to the library, it is determined whether they will be put into circulation or used in the sale to help raise funds for the establishment. I'm sure books, movies, and music are also pulled out of circulation to be sold once they have become less popular and no longer warrant the valuable shelf space they once held. The finds at these sales are like those at any other tag sale - completely random and potentially treasure filled. As the old saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure, right? As a long time rummager and thrift/antique sale shopper I relished the opportunity to browse the collection and the possibility to bring home an item or two for our family while simultaneously supporting the library that had been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.

I remember sifting through the cd's that day, picking up a few for myself and a few for a friend who is an avid music collector. I moved through the fiction and true crime books to the game manuals, as if I'd have any clue which of these manuals my husband could use in his gaming hobby. I believe I may have even called him to tell him of what I thought was an excellent discovery, only to be told no... wrong. He appreciates my efforts, but encourages me to spend my thrifting moments looking for things for myself as the varied worlds of gaming and the accessories they require are admittedly beyond my level of comprehension (and interest. Shhh! *wink*).

It was then as I was turning to leave that I saw an old copy of the book Les Miserables on a high shelf and paused to take a closer look. I was first introduced to "Les Mis" during my freshman year of high school. I was a member of the Treble Choir, and during open periods I would occasionally visit the choir room to do homework or visit with others. A Senior by the name of Andy Pick had the full London Cast recording of the musical on cassette (am I dating myself here?) and would play it repeatedly during these open periods. I fell in love with the music and the story, and by mid-year was begging him to make a copy for me. He reluctantly obliged (who wants to do ANY favors for a freshman!?) and I played those cassettes non-stop for the better part of the next three years. In no time at all, I had memorized the entire score and could easily sing along, word for word. It helped that I stayed in choir throughout high school and into adulthood and have often sang pieces and medleys from the show with these groups. Next came the Liam Neeson version of the movie (which I later caught on PBS). I was hooked. Victor Hugo spoke to my heart. When I fell in love for the first time, that music was there. When we broke up, it was also there. In hindsight I have a good laugh at how seriously I thought I understood each and every lyric as a teenager and how I believed they applied to the varied ins and outs of a day in the life of a teenage girl. I was so naïve, but that is how childhood should be, I suppose.

Given my history with the musical and the music and the message, you can imagine how excited I was to find this book at the library's used book sale. To say I was thrilled doesn't even begin to explain things. The book was situated with some other old books that were selling for quite a bit of money as far as used books go, so I was sure it would be out of my price range. I nearly walked away, but decided to take a peek and I was pleasantly surprised to find something in the range of about $3.00 listed as the price on a slip inside the front cover.

SOLD!

In addition to the price slip inside the front cover, I noticed there was also a typeset name plate noting that the book was from the "Private Library of William J. Palmer" with the date May 25, 1895 handwritten below it. I loved the thought that someone had handled this book over a century earlier, but didn't give the previous owner much thought beyond that general feeling of nostalgia. I remember that I brought the book home and did a quick Google search to try to determine a true value. Not because I necessarily wanted to turn a profit, but rather because I wanted to know what exactly it was I had found. I never found an exact match for the novel I held in my hand, but other similarly bound copies from roughly the same time period were selling for about $10-50. I slipped the book on the top shelf of one of the built-ins next to the fireplace and didn't give it another thought.

Fast forward to December 30th, 2012. My husband I and I were fortunate enough to get out of the house for the afternoon and take in a show. It was a no brainer for me that I'd see Les Mis as close to the release date as possible, but my husband who was never crazy about musical theatre was a tougher sell. The conversation went something like this:

Him: What should we see?
Me: Les Miserables! I *need* to see it. Do you mind?
Him: Ummm.... It's a musical.
Me: It is, but it's about the French Revolution!
Him: Really?! Ok!

Ladies, I do not condone this sort of manipulation to get what you want in life. But honestly, when you are married to a guy who is a European History buff and loves watching movies having to do with any sort of conflict or uprising throughout history, you play that to your advantage. No lies were told. The show is set during the revolution. There are battles. There's an uprising. Guns are fired. The barricade! It's all there. There is just some singing and some love thrown in, too. *grin*

Somewhere around the 90 minute mark, he leaned over to me in the theatre and whispered, "I thought you said this was about the French Revolution?!" To which I replied, "It totally is! That part is at the end." His response? "The END? I thought *this* was the end!" And then my inner self fell into a giggle fit, but I kept my composure on the outside. The things we do for love. Him for the love of me, me for the love of Les Mis, in this case. *grin*

A few days later, on January 2, 2013, our friends Julie and Ryan were visiting and we were talking about the movie and our thoughts about the film and how it compared to the stage production. I asked Julie, an avid reader, if she had ever read the story Victor Hugo wrote. She had not, and I noted that I hadn't either but that I had an old copy up on the shelf that I picked up several years earlier at one of the library's used book sales. Everyone was intrigued, so I pulled it down and handed it to Julie to look at. She paged through the book, reading passages as she went, and we commented on how different even those short snippets were from the story we knew and loved. As she was paging through the book, she mentioned that she had found a bookmark. I had never really looked through the book myself, but this wasn't surprising to me. I assumed it was a bookmark advertising the library's next sale, or some other flier from the library but as is true in most cases, my assumptions were wrong.

The bookmark Julie found was printed on a thin strip of white (now yellowed) ribbon and had been collected from the Soldiers and Sailors Association Reunion that had been held in Michigan in September of 1896. We were intrigued, and did a quick Google search to see what, if anything, the book might be worth now that the movie was out and receiving all the buzz of Hollywood. No exact matches for the edition were found, but other copies from the same time period were listed for anywhere between $15 and $5000. Of course everyone is excited when they see a number like $5000!

What?! No! Seriously? $5000?!

If you had a mic on the room at that moment, those are probably the only words you would have heard. *grin*

I have bought and sold enough items online though to know that just because a seller is asking $5000 does not mean an item is actually worth $5000. Nor, for that matter, that you will ever necessarily find a buyer to pay that amount even if - by some stroke of luck - it is appraised that high. I mentioned the nameplate in the front of the book and we talked a bit more about it before I moved it to my desk. Now that we had found that Soldiers and Sailors bookmark, the genealogist in me was itching to find out if I could learn more about the previous owner. He must have been a soldier (or a sailor). Had he been famous? Was there any information about him? I was hoping for information about who he fought for, maybe which battles... I figured he had to have had at least a little money to his name to afford this book complete with nameplate and the means with with to keep it in good condition. The words "From the Private Library of..." suggested to me that it was one of several, so maybe I'd come up with a match somehow. I am a fan of historical research, particularly familial research, and was ready for a good bit of digging to find a few possibilities, never thinking that I'd find a definite exact match. Maybe my little used book sale find meant something to someone? Maybe it was valuable. Thoughts turned to the debt we still juggle from the printing of Henry's bedtime stories and what a chunk the sale of this book could do to it...

Later that night after Jack was in bed, I sat down at my desk and turned to Google for some answers. I was looking through the book again and found a second ribbon - this one red - that read "Special Favours". It looked very much like the sort of ribbon that you see on floral arrangements at funerals. In fact, at first I thought that's what it was. But what an odd sentiment to put on funeral flowers, right? I set it aside. I had other things on my mind. I started to type "William J. Palmer Soldier" into the search window, and by the time I got to the third "l," Google was autofilling the search box with all kinds of matches from Colorado. I followed links to a Wiki article an academic paper and a fabulous article from Civil War Times magazine (if you read any of these three, let it be that one) and began to read and learn about this General from Colorado by way of Delaware that had the potential to change the course of history.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I read about his studies in Europe (+1 for plausible ownership - this General was clearly educated), his life after the war in the building of the rail road (+1 for plausible ownership - this General obviously had the means with which to maintain a private library) and his fierce stance in the abolitionist movement to free slaves (+1 for plausible ownership - Are you familiar with Les Mis? Come on! It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!!! HELLO!). I was/am a tad excited, in case you're having trouble reading emotion in my words. *wink*

By the time I was done reading everything I could find on the internet, I was 99.9% certain I was holding a book that at one time belonged to a Civil War General, who also happened to be the founder of Colorado Springs, CO. General Palmer made his home in Colorado Springs near the base of the Garden of the Gods. I have been to the Garden of the Gods! I have walked where this man walked... and now I am likely holding his book.

I was awestruck.

But... Umm... Now what?

It occurred to me that I had no idea what to do with the information or where to go next. I sat the book aside once more and called our local Public Museum in the morning. I explained my situation and described the book and the ribbons found inside. The archivist was wonderful, and suggested some websites that I hadn't found in my own searches to determine the value of the book, and then also suggested contacting a museum in Colorado for more information. I set about visiting the links he mentioned but came up with the same results - no exact matches and a variety of prices from low to the $4000 range.

It was then that I called the Colorado Springs Pioneers Museum and asked to speak to the archivist. I left a voice mail and waited. Then I realized I forgot to mention a few things and called again to leave another message but this time she answered. Don't you hate when you call someone fully intending to leave a message and then they answer? You may be laughing, but it's true. I stammered and explained myself and she was very sweet. I don't think she knew quite what to expect but when I said, "I believe I have General Palmer's copy of Les Miserables," (or some words similar to that) she gasped audibly. Leah went on to explain her excitement over this find because so many of the General's books that had been recovered had to do with science and engineering and rail road. Very few were pertaining to cultural arts. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she had tears in her eyes by the end of the conversation and before hanging up she said, "you just made my whole year!" *big grin* Seriously, the sweetest lady you'll ever talk to. I reminded her that it was only January 2nd, but she said it didn't matter. *more grins*

Leah couldn't give me a quote on the price of the book, but was able to provide the name of a man in Colorado Springs who could and also asked if I would consider donating the book to the museum to be part of the William J. Palmer collection there. She continued saying that she would love to see the hand writing in the book and could likely tell me whose writing it was if I would be interested in such information. I offered to send her photographs and we said our goodbyes.

I still had no idea what the book was worth, though both Leah and the archivist in Oshkosh alluded to the fact that those folks asking $4000 and up for their similar copies were very ambitious in their pricing. My thoughts at this point though turned from, "how much is this worth," to an overwhelming feeling that the book just needed to go home to Colorado Springs.

The following week I received a message from Leah confirming that the written date in the book was indeed written by General William J. Palmer. *goosebumps* I replied the following day to let her know of our decision to donate the book and asked but one request: if perhaps we could make this story known, and donate it in Henry's name, so as to bring attention to the Adventures of Henry children's book series we are selling to raise money for Children's Hospital of Wisconsin and the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America. We spoke a few more times after that, and though I'm not going to share all the details of our conversations as some included personal information on both our parts that I am not comfortable sharing in a public forum like this, I will say this: There is a reason I found this book. There is a reason it sat on my shelf for five years and further a reason that our paths crossed. I couldn't be happier with our decision to donate the book back to General Palmer's collection at CSPM. That is where it belongs.

I have spoken with a handful of news anchors and journalists in the past few days and while I have related our story and my desire to have it benefit others by way of Henry's stories, much of the focus of these interviews and news clips has been on the Les Mis book. I get that. It's a new movie, it has Oscar buzz, it's what people want to hear about. As I told Leah today, I can only put so much out there into the universe. If people pick up on it, great. If not, life goes on. I'm sad that so far Henry's story hasn't been incorporated, but I do understand that his books are not the focus here.

I wonder tonight if Victor Hugo realizes how many lives he has touched through the ages? I am but one fan. There have been countless others. To this day the words of Les Miserables move me. Words like, "even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise" are a part of my heart in ways I can't even describe. Losing a child is truly the darkest night. Waking the next day to the love and laughter of yet another child proves to me that God is still merciful and good. The sun still rises. Another quote I reflect on often from the musical when thinking about Henry and my grief journey is from Jean Valjean. "I gave my soul to God I know, I made that bargain long ago. He gave me hope when hope was gone, he gave me strength to journey on."

I hope that in reading this or the other stories that have been printed and aired about it, something is taken away. If not a knowledge of my boy, then at least an appreciation for history and the many ways the stories and people of the past still touch our lives and lead our paths together today. Think about that for a minute. Perhaps something you are doing today will influence someone else 150 years from now. It boggles the mind if you let it.

I'll be buying a new copy of Les Miserables. I've read too many quotes from the book now... I need to read it all. Even if I do jokingly compare the size of Les Mis to that of the Bible, and don't read at a fraction of the speed I once did, some day I will finish it. It is too dear to my heart to ignore.

Certain thoughts are prayers. 

There are moments when, 

whatever be the attitude of the body, 

the soul is on its knees. ~Victor Hugo

See's Original Chocolate Chip Cookies

If there is one thing I love, it's chocolate chip cookies. I grew up on the traditional Nestle Toll House variety, but have always wondered if there was something else out there... something better. I've been collecting recipes on Pinterest and trying different chips in search of the *best* chocolate chip cookie. This year, I decided to buy a bag of chips from my new favorite chocolatier: See's Candies. 

I love their chocolates, their lollipops, their truffles. To be honest, I've yet to find anything I *don't* like from See's, so it seemed like a safe bet. The chips were a bit pricy at $5.75/lb., but can we really put a price on culinary perfection? Nooooo... *wink* 

I couldn't believe how BIG the chips were. In fact, "big" is an understatement... these suckers are HUGE. Ginormous. Each chip is about the size of a nickel, maybe a bit bigger. Just seeing the size of the chip was the beginning of the end for me. I like a traditional sized chip. In recent years, my grandma started making her Nestle Tollhouse Cookies with their chocolate chunks rather than their chips and I even thought those were too big. BUT, I paid nearly $6 for these babies, so I wasn't going to let size deter me. I pressed on... 

I followed the See's Original Chocolate Chip Recipe on the bag (see below) and baked off a batch, fully prepared for heavenly chocolate chip cookie bliss, but I never quite achieved that state of sugar induced nirvana I was hoping for. The chips were hard to mix into the dough because they were so large. I ended up with some cookies that only had one chip and others that had several. They baked out very flat, but to their credit never got hard or crunchy (a serious pet peeve!). In short, I was disappointed. I wouldn't buy them again. In my honest opinion, Nestle wins this battle in a landslide. 

Here's the recipe if anyone would like to try it. I'm tempted to try it with the Nestle chips just for shiggles, but we'll see if it ever happens. 

1 c. Butter - cream well

1 c. Light Brown Sugar

Add gradually to above: 

1 c. Sugar

Beat into the above:

2 Eggs

1 1/2 t. Vanilla

Mix together, add to above, blending well:

2 1/4 c. Flour

1/2 t. Salt

1 t. Baking Soda

1 c. Chopped Walnuts (I omitted. I have a serious aversion to nuts in cookies.)

2 c. See's Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

Drop by teaspoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake @ 375˚ F 8-10 minutes. Yield @ 4 dozen cookies. 

There is also a recipe on the back of the bag for See's Gooey Brownies. I've been lamenting the fact that I didn't try those instead. I probably would have liked them better, even though I'm not really a brownie fan in general (but seriously, a GOOEY brownie? Who can resist that? Although honestly, since trying the Chocolate Cookie Dough Brownies that Bakerella posted a few years back I've never tried another brownie recipe. When you find something you love you just stick with it! 

Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. If I love Nestle so much, why do I keep looking for something better? 

Memorial Christmas Ornaments

A few weeks ago we received a post card from our family cemetery letting us know that they would be placing memorial Christmas trees in their chapel area and we were invited to bring ornaments in memory of our loved ones. We are blessed to have known many people who were laid to rest at this cemetery and I truly wanted to make ornaments for every single one of them, but that just wasn't practical. Instead, I chose a select few. We (my mom and I) didn't want to spend a fortune on the ornaments because no where on the invitation did it say whether or not we'd be able to retrieve them at the end of the season.

We bought plain, solid colored balls (a box of 8 for $4.95!) and headed to my craft room where we used paint pens, punches, and ribbon to personalize them. Each ornament got a double ribbon tie at the top, a name, and a hang tag. On the front of the hang tag was our loved ones full name and as much of the birth and death information as we had available to us, and on the back of each tag was a short personal message from us to them in heaven.

In addition to that box of 8 ornaments, I also purchased two separately. There was a lady at a local craft fair would painted names on ornaments for $5, so I bought one for our son Henry in orange (his favorite color) and added an orange ribbon and a paw print ribbon, keeping with his love of animals.

I also found a snowflake at Hobby Lobby that I just couldn't resist for my goddaughter Kejerah, who died at two months old of SIDS. I couldn't write a name on the snowflake, so I just hung the tag from the bottom and attached a small burgundy stitched ribbon at the top. Simple, but perfect. It was a snowy night, the night Kejerah died, and I always think of her when it snows even now. I'm sure I always will.

And here is the set of 8. We really weren't sure what to expect in terms of what other people would be doing. It was nice looking through the trees (as much as we could with a four year old in tow). There were shaped ornaments with no words whatsoever, and others that had names and dates on them. A huge variety. We may reuse these next year, but we may also swap them out for more meaningful ones for each individual person. A flamingo for my grandma (she HATED lawn flamingos... it got to be a standing joke between the two of us that we'd buy each other flamingo stuff when we saw it. :)), maybe a fish for my grandpa, the master fisherman. A daisy for Cheryl, our cousin whose life ended far too soon after a courageous battle with cancer, a cardinal for Aunt Ferne, the most recent relative to join our heavenly family less than a month ago.... We'll have to wait and see what we find. Or, maybe we will keep using these but add on for other friends and relatives we didn't cover this year. Time will tell.

In loving memory, this Christmas and always, of Henry, Kejerah, (Great) Grandma (Bessie) Hank (yes, we called her by grandpa's first name... weird, I know.), Aunt Ferne, Grandpa (Eugene or "Eug"), Grandma (Wilma), (cousin) Cheryl, (Great) Grandpa Hank (Henry's namesake), (Godfather) Rick, and Aunt Mamie.

May you rest in peace. 

Origami Owl Living Lockets

Everyone has a story to tell...

You've heard me tell my story over the years, a story of creativity and love, grief and hope, and most importantly, a story of family. Origami Owl is a fairly new company that specializes in customizable jewelry including what they call Living Lockets, which allow you to tell your story in a way no other jewelry ever has. Think of it as a sort of scrapbook you can wear.

As Steph at Six Sisters' Stuff (love that blog!) so eloquently wrote, yours "might be a story of survival, a story of faith, a celebration of family, a special memory, or a realization of a life dream. Whether you've welcomed a new member to your family through adoption, become a grandma, suffered the loss of a family member or friend, returned from a dream vacation, or just want to share your hobbies, interests, or team spirit, Origami Owl can help you create a locket to help you share your story with others."

The beautiful thing about these lockets is that they are never final. The lockets are held shut with a strong magnetic closure and the charms and plates inside can be changed as frequently as you like. I am currently wearing two snowflakes with some red and crystal birthstones in mine (silently willing a white Christmas for Northeast Wisconsin!), but have changed it twice within the last week to reflect my love of the Green Bay Packers (2 green birthstones, 2 gold birthstones, football charm, "G", and "B") and the memory of my son Henry ("faith" plate, angel charm, birthstone). The possibilities are truly endless, and I love that.

I am beyond thrilled to announce that as of late October, I am an independent designer with Origami Owl. I would be more than happy to help you create a locket that is meaningful for yourself or for a gift. The holiday season is fast approaching, but there is still time to order for Christmas delivery! Orders placed by 10am CST on the following days will arrive in time for Christmas: December 13 for ground shipping, December 17th for three day shipping, December 18th for two day shipping, or December 19th for overnight shipping.

In addition to the Living Lockets, Origami Owl also has a new "tagged" line of pendents that are made to inspire and affirm life. In my own personal collection you will find tagged items that slide together on a chain to say, "I have faith". I've spoken on this blog about the death of my three year old son Henry, and this is a reminder to me and a proclamation to the world that I will see him again and we will be together for eternity. I am also exceptionally fond of the "I am" and "Enough" tags. What a wonderful gift they would make for a young lady who is struggling to find her identity and dodge peer pressure! Sometimes those words are exactly what a person needs to hear in this day and age of  media and feeling we need to live up to other people's standards: You are enough.

Please take a moment to click through to my Origami Owl webpage and take a peek. Maybe you are looking for a new opportunity to earn a little spending cash for yourself or even a new career. This company is new and fresh and at the ground level. We're just bursting at the seams and I'd love to have you along for the ride of a lifetime! We have a great team and a great mentoring system in place (even if you're on the other side of the country - trust me! I know first hand!). If you'd like to be a part of it, please look at the sidebar on my blog for links to email me for more info, or just do what I did and click the "Join My Team" button over there to sign up sight unseen! (I really did. True story.)

You can also stay up to date with the company and any specials or new product announcements by "liking" my Origami Owl Facebook Page. I will also be posting O2 related news on my blog occasionally along with my continued posts about cooking, creating, and life in general. Maybe we'll even have a giveaway in the new year!

I am an Origami Owl independent designer located in Northeast Wisconsin - specifically, Oshkosh, Wisconsin - in the heart of the Fox River Valley. I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have about the Origami Owl products or business opportunity! Interested in hosting a jewelry bar or catalog show? Awesome! You can earn free jewelry with very little effort - it's well worth your time! It's a great company, and I'm thrilled to be a part of it. Let me know how I can help you.

Reflections: Infusion Day

I'm typing this as I sit at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin with Jack, passing the time as I listen to the pump that is delivering his monthly IVIG treatment into his veins. Jack is busy watching a Baby Einstein DVD of all things, and I'm left to think.

Next week marks the three year anniversary of our first infusion. It was the day before Thanksgiving when we got the call alerting us of Jack's immune deficiency and informing us that we had to come to Milwaukee immediately and spend the night while Jack received his first treatment. Imagine our horror, not even three weeks after burying our oldest son (whose cause of death and autopsy results had not even been made known to us yet), to learn that our other son also had a potentially life ending disease. I was numb. I never wanted to set foot in this hospital again, but I had no choice. In a matter of hours I would be walking that same skywalk that I walked out three weeks earlier to a car that still held two car seats though only one of them would ever hold a child again. I cried as I turned off the highway and saw the building come into focus. I cried as we walked the skywalk to the desk clerk who told us which room we were being admitted to, and then again when we passed the large bank of windows that looked over the helipad where Henry's little body was resuscitated the night of November 1. Needless to say, it was a difficult trip. 

We learned at that visit that Jack had Bruton's x-linked agammaglobulinemia, and that these visits would be required every three to four weeks to build up and maintain a sort of false immunity in him. Though they would no longer require overnight stays, they would still be all day endeavors and required a good number more visits to Children's Hospital than any parent ever hopes to make. I felt sorry for Jack, who would have to endure these treatments and pokes for the rest of his life. I felt sorry for my husband, as I saw the emotional strain this placed on him and, I'll admit it, I felt sorry for myself. I didn't ask for this. I didn't *want* this. This is not what we signed up for when we decided to have children and start a family.

All of these visits though - I'm estimating about 40 so far, as we started coming every three weeks and then switched to every four weeks - have given me perspective. I am not alone. I am confident that every patient and patient family that walks through those doors wishes they didn't have to. I've also learned that despite how devastating our situation is, it could still be worse. 

Today's treatment is winding down, and I will walk out that same skywalk as we return to the car. I still think of Henry, and mourn that loss every day as I will until the day I draw my final breath, but I know that he is with me both now and always and there will be no tears today. I don't feel the overwhelming sense of loss anymore when I walk through these hallways. I feel hope, comfort, kindness, and empathy. Time has eased nothing, but the perspective God has granted me these last three years has afforded me the opportunity to adjust the weight of grief and make carrying that weight a little less burdensome. For that, I am grateful. 

Children's Books For A Cause... Please Share!!

As you likely know if you've been following this blog for any length of time, my husband and I lost our son Henry three years ago to an undiagnosed immune deficiency disorder. In short, Henry woke up sick on Friday morning, October 30th, 2009, and closed his eyes for the last time three days later, aged three years and four months old. He was an amazing little boy, so vibrant and happy, always smiling, and he loved animals. "Aminals," as he called them, were his life. Every day I would take him and his brother Jack to the little zoo in town and walk around the circle. Sometimes we would go twice a day, because he loved it that much. He was always very concerned about the animals. If boys three times his age were being mean to the animals, Henry had no problem telling them so. "Be good to the 'aminals'!" was his mantra, and I heard it more than once in his short life.

At night my husband, Darrin, and I would share bedtime duties. Henry had a three part routine that required first Mama, then Papa, and then Mama again one last time. During "Papa time," Henry would describe the animals he saw that day and their antics, and he and Darrin would conjure up bedtime stories about the animals, always interjecting Henry into the stories to remind others to treat them with kindness and respect. Henry always saved the day. 

After his passing, we decided to publish these bedtime stories in memory of him, and created the Adventures of Henry book series. We published our first book, Timmy The Goat, two years ago and have since published two more - Mikayla the Wolf and Sam the Snake; all based on stories my boy created with his Papa. The books feature animals who share their names with other children (and at least one adult) battling rare diseases, and in the back of each book there are pages dedicated to these people and the conditions that affect their lives. Among the children featured is our other son, Jack, who shares the same immune deficiency that claimed Henry's life: x-linked agammaglobulinemia. The books also include "Teachable Topics" about the various locations and animals that are mentioned in each book to help parents further educate their children about some of the animals and places our Henry enjoyed learning about. The books are geared toward elementary aged children, and the reviews we've received from friends, family, and strangers - adults and children alike - have been excellent. Not just for the stories and the message behind them, but also for the quality of the books themselves. 

Our intent in publishing these books was threefold: to honor Henry, to help raise awareness for rare diseases, and to raise money for the organizations that help the children who are afflicted by them. Profits from the sales of these books will be donated to organizations like Children's Hospital of Wisconsin, and the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America, who work persistently every day to find cures and treatments for these kids and so many other children like them. 

What is breaking my heart is that after nearly two years of diligent book sales, we have yet to become profitable. We attend book fairs and vendor events at every opportunity and are blessed to be able to sell our books in several local retail outlets in addition to our own website. Yet each month we pay out upwards of $300+ dollars in storage, publishing, and vendor event costs. At $15 a book, we are still far from being able to hand a check over to these organizations in Henry's name and bring some closure to his death by helping others on his behalf. Vendor events are unpredictable, and we never know going into one exactly how many books will sell. Some days we are closer to zero, and some days we are closer to one hundred. Darrin and I sell the books ourselves, so our time is limited to the weekends he is not in school (he has returned to college for a masters degree in biotechnology in hopes of finding a cure for our son, Jack) as one of us has to stay home with Jack while the other is out selling books. It makes for slow going. 

This is where I am praying you can help. I'm wondering if you could do me the favor of sharing this blog post. Share it on your blog, via email, or with specific friends you know who are well connected or also have social media platforms on which to spread the message far and wide. We have approximately 4000 books left in stock between all three titles and every one of them would make a fantastic Christmas gift for the children on your gift list (or their teacher or daycare provider!) this holiday season. An inventory of 4000 books is nothing for large retailers, but for one local bereaved Mama and Papa, it might as well be the weight of the world.

Can you please help us find homes for these books this Christmas?

I told my husband I was determined to sell all of them by Christmas, but I can't make that happen without a little help from my friends... and their friends, too! Even if we could put a massive dent in the stock it would help us to have a more manageable inventory that we could then relocate to our home and thereby stop paying our monthly storage fees, eliminating one profit-eating expense. And if you're wondering, we need to sell about half of that inventory - approximately 2000 books - before we are profitable and can start sending checks out to these organizations in Henry's name. I sooo can not wait for that day to come!! 

We aren't in this to make money for ourselves, that was never our intent. We simply want to give something back to a medical community that has helped us navigate our way through hell and back (from the death of one child and the almost simultaneous diagnosis of the other), all in the name of one of the sweetest little blue-eyed blonde-haired boys you could ever know. 

These are our books: 

Here are some specifics about them: 

• Title 1: Timmy the Goat: Spelunking Adventure 
• Title 2: Mikayla the Wolf: Awakening at Yellowstone
• Title 3: Sam the Snake: Refuge at Bureau Creek
• Cost $15.00 each 
• 8" x 8" in size
• Fully illustrated in color by local (NE Wisconsin) sisters Sonja and Eve Funnell
• Approximately 48 pages in length
• Available for purchase at www.shop.adventuresofhenry.com 
• FREE SHIPPING on all US orders through December 31, 2012 to help move inventory!!
• Gift wrapping is available if requested (note at payment, or message us at our Facebook page)

If you don't have a child in your life to buy for, consider purchasing one or more books to donate (there is a donation option listed at the website above). We can send donated books to you, to a donation location of your choice, or deliver them to Children's Hospital of Wisconsin for distribution to the various clinics and patients as hospital staff sees fit. 

Thank you so much for reading this, and for helping spread the word in any way possible. You will never know how much that means to us.

For blog posts about my grief process as a bereaved mother, Henry's life and death, and photos of our boy, please click {HERE}, or click the "Henry" label on the sidebar.

God bless you and your family, 

Chicken Can-Can

This is one of the easiest recipes I've ever tried. As much as I enjoy recipes that are truly made from scratch, some times it's nice to have something like that that you can just whip together in an instant with a few things from the pantry. It's warm and creamy and tasty. What more can you ask for? Oh, and it also bears a striking resemblance to the Cream of Chicken Noodle Soup that Campbell's used to sell (1. Why did they stop? 2. Can you tell I was a Campbell's Soup kid? This is the second post in two days that mentions the brand. Love that stuff! Homestyle Chicken Noodle is my all time favorite. I could eat it at every meal to this day. Nom.)

Anywho... here's the recipe that grandma clipped from an old issue of Taste of Home Magazine:

1 can (12 oz.) evaporated milk
1 can (10-3/4 oz.) condensed cream of celery soup, undiluted
1 can (10-3/4 oz.) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
1 can (10-3/4 oz.) condensed chicken noodle soup, undiluted
1/4 c. all-purpose flour
1 can (10 oz.) chunk white chicken, drained
1 can (5 oz.) chow mein noodles (note: I would not use these again the next time)

In a large skillet, combine the first five ingredients. Bring to a boil. Cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Add the chicken; heat through. Serve over chow mein noodles or substitute with any noodle of your choice.

***************
When I made this, I used the chow mein noodles the recipe called for - partly because I like them, and partly because I had half a bag in the cupboard leftover from some chop suey we had a few weeks back. I was not a fan of the taste combo here at all. Not even a little bit. Ptooey. BUT, the creamy chicken stuff was super good on its own, and it totally reminded me of that old Campbell's soup. Next time I make this, I'll be using some type of noodle that resembles those in the chicken noodle soup. Something straight, thick, and flat. Maybe some of those home made noodles you see in specialty shops. That would be perfection.

I will probably also use "real" chicken rather than canned chicken. The canned chicken tasted fine and worked great and was über easy, but it kinda skeeves me out and I'm not sure why. Next time I'll probably use some shredded chicken breasts (I like to boil chicken breasts with onion and then shred them in my Kitchen Aid Mixer. One of the many things Pinterest has taught me.) rather than the canned stuff.

The days are getting shorter and the temps are dropping up here in NE Wisconsin. It's the perfect time to whip up some of this comfort food...

Enjoy!

Beef Barley Soup

This isn't one of grandma's recipes, but it's still new to me so I thought I'd share it here. I was looking for some comfort food, and wanted something easy to throw together in the crock pot and found this in one of my Gooseberry Patch cookbooks (love those books!). It's in the "Slow Cooker Recipes" book on page 109 if you have a collection yourself. :)

Overall, it was a hit. Both my 4 year old son AND my husband enjoyed it so I'd call that a success. The only commentary from the hubsy was that it was a little bland, and I concur. I think the recipe has plenty of salt between the actual salt and what is contained in the bouillon, but it could use a little cracked pepper to zip it up a bit. I don't like spice, but it has to have a little something to give it some oomph.

Here's the recipe:

2 c. carrots, peeled and thinly sliced (I just sliced up some baby carrots we had on hand)
1 c. celery, thinly sliced
3/4 c. green pepper, diced (I omitted)
1 c. onion, diced (I just used one whole onion, didn't measure)
1 lb. stew beef, cubed
1/2 c. pearl barley, uncooked
1/4 c. fresh parsley, chopped
3 cubes beef bouillon
2 T. catsup
1 t. salt
3/4 t. dried basil
5 c. water (maybe next time I'll substitute in some beef broth here?)

Layer vegetables, beef and barley in a slow cooker; add seasonings. Pour water over all; do not stir. Cover and cook on low setting for 9 to 11 hours. Makes 4-6 servings.

******************

I would definitely make this soup again, but with a few minor adjustments (pepper, beef broth). I had enough for four bowls and was able to freeze two meals worth to boot, so I'd say that's a win. There's nothing better than just being able to whip some home made soup out of the freezer for supper at the end of a long day!

Enjoy, and let me know if you try it!

Tater Tot Taco Salad

Did you know that mini tater tots existed? I had no idea. I saw them on the ingredient list and thought I was in for another wild goose hunt for random ingredients, but they were right there in the freezer section next to their larger counterparts. Huh. Who knew. Unfortunately, I fear this will lead to more purchases of the little buggers just because tater tots rock. And anything that rocks is always ten times better in a tiny poppable size, isn't it? It is.

This is another recipe from grandma's stash, and I chose to try it partly because I've been yearning for all things taco and partly because I had every single ingredient except for the tots in my fridge or freezer.  Or so I thought. Turns out I was wrong. My shredded lettuce, which I swear looked just fine in the morning, was all brown and wilty by dinner time, and apparently I forgot that I ate that tomato with some cottage cheese on top (NOM!) for lunch the day before. Whoops. So, our tater tot taco salad experience was sort of lackluster, but it was still good enough to have me wanting to make it again. I think that says a lot right there.

Here's the recipe:

2 c. frozen tater tots
1/2 lb. ground beef
2 T. taco seasoning
1/2 c. shredded cheddar cheese
1/4 c. sliced or stuffed ripe olives
1 c. shredded lettuce
2 T. taco sauce
1/4 c. sour cream

Bake tater tots according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Stir in taco seasoning.  Divide tater tots between two serving plates or bowls. Top with taco mixture, cheese, olives, lettuce, taco sauce and sour cream.

Yield: 2 servings.

What I liked about this recipe: It was SIMPLE. I love simple. It was also fast and yummy and didn't make a huge mess in my kitchen. All the things I look for in dinner recipes! I also love that it makes only 2 servings, but is easily doubled or even tripled.

What I didn't like: Well, mostly the fact that I realized too late that I didn't have everything I thought I did on hand. Otherwise, no complaints at all!

Be sure to let me know if you try it, and stay tuned. I think there will be a breakfast casserole coming up soon...