Saturday, January 2, 2010

One Little Word 2010: Healthy

Hi friends,
It has been awhile since I've blogged. Many of you know why, but in case someone missed the news, our whole world changed on November 2nd when my sweet boy (Henry, 3) passed away unexpectedly of an unknown cause. To make a very long story short, he and his brother had an undiagnosed immune deficiency disorder, and a bacterial infection overtook his body. He was fine on Thursday - happy, bubbly, energetic. He woke up Friday with a tummy ache and a fever, and was diagnosed with a viral infection so no antibiotics were prescribed. By Sunday night, he was basically gone. Much work was done to try to keep him alive, but they finally turned off all of the machines and pronounced him at 12:45pm on Monday. You can read more about it on my family blog (link at top right), or on my facebook page if we are friends there (if not, and you would like to be, just send me a message there).

Now, two months later, we're trying to carry on as best we can. We still have a sweet little boy here and are doing all we can to get his deficiency diagnosed (still going through testing to determine exactly what it is - agammaglobulinemia or hypogammaglobulinemia or something else entirely).

Anyhow, I'm not sure if you remember, but last year I participated in Ali Edwards One Little Word campaign. It's kind of like a New Year's resolution of sorts. The word I chose for 2009 was believe.

Back then, I said this:

I will believe.... in myself, in my talent, in the future, that this too (insert current dilemma here) really shall pass. That everything has a purpose, and that I have the strength and the stamina to get through anything. My first idea for a word was simply "be", but I think I like this better. I will not only be, I will believe.

...and for the most part, even given the devastation that fell on us at the end of the year, I can say I honestly did a good job of maintaining that belief. I do know that everything happens in God's perfect timing, regardless of whether it is what I want or what I will ever have the capability to understand.

Now, looking forward to the year ahead of us, I'm choosing a new word and that word is healthy.

My goal for 2010 is to live healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

Health of mind will allow me to grieve properly without casting blame on myself or dwelling in regret. It will allow me to continue loving and remembering Henry every single day, while still allowing Jack to grow and play and be the boy he loves to be without hanging the shadow of his brother or his illness over his head. It will allow me to grow as an individual, and be open to the opportunities in front of me to use this experience to help others whether through the use of Henry's memorial fund, moral support, or witnessing the grace of God.

Health of spirit will support my desire to continue growing in my faith and walking closer to God. I have never felt closer to Him than I do now, and look foward to that relationship developing and growing over the coming year.

Health of body will give me the motivation to take care of myself, even on those days when getting out of bed seems insurmountable. It will encourage me to live smarter and healthier. To cook more and order out less. To eat my vegetables. To drink my millk. To exercise and continue working towards my weight loss goals.

In 2010, I will be healthy.

What about you? What is your one little word for 2010? I'd love to hear about it.


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Lorie said...

I always try to find a word and just can't come up with one word that works for me. Yours, however, is fantastic!

CLHAJNAL said...

Oh Sarah, I know this time is so difficult right now. My nephew (son of my twin sister) has that very exact thing. It is rough and he will have to endure transfusions montly for the rest of his life. She knows tons about it as we found out about it when he was about 1 yr. and now is 8. We almost lost him, if not for one doctor who recognized it.

Big Hugs to you and your family!!

Michelle said...

Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss. Those words don't even seem to be enough....I cannot imagine what you are going through, what you HAVE been going through, & I wish I could be there to help you & support you! If there is ever anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask!! Your family is in my thoughts!

Sue from Oregon said...

Oh goodness...I blinked when I saw your post...I think of you and your family every day. My heart is with you and hope for healing and happiness in 2010. I love your word for is one many can use this year. Hugs to you my friend! I miss you.

i {heart} papers said...

Oh Sarah...I'm so glad you're going to do this again. I'm still waivering on my new word but I'm leaning towards savor every bit of life, every morsel of food...every moment.

(hugs) my friend...

Holly said...

Beautiful post Sarah. You're always in my prayers. I'm still thinking of a word.

Katie Cotton said...

Holly is right, this is a beautifully worded post! Hugs and prayers to you hun!

My word for 2010 is grow! I'll have a post about it up soon. :)

Danni said...

You are in my thoughts so often. What a wonderful post...huge hugs!

Kristine said...

Sarah, that's a PERFECT word for you for this new year. I wish you much health and happiness for you and your whole family. You've been on my heart and mind so often these last few months. It's good to see you back and with such a positive outlook and moving forward. God Bless!

Kristine said...

Sarah, that's a PERFECT word for you for this new year. I wish you much health and happiness for you and your whole family. You've been on my heart and mind so often these last few months. It's good to see you back and with such a positive outlook and moving forward. God Bless!

Lisa Foster said...

Sarah, I think of you and your family every single day and you all remain in my prayers. I'm not good with words so I will just say that I'm sending you a huge hug and lots of love.

You've inspired me to think of a word for 2010...I'll get back to you on that.

Elaine M said...

Oh hon - it's so good to see a post from you again. Our prayer group has carried you and your family in our hearts every day. Your post today was lovely. My word is "peace"...and I wish that for you.

Fuzzy Slippers said...

I came across your blog while weaving through others and your post is beautiful. I cannot fathom the depths of your loss and am moved by your faith and willingness to stay positive. My word would be spirit, having it, feeling it, and expressing it.

Eulanda said...

I was so sorry to hear of your loss last year. You seem so strong with your beliefs and thoughts and I commend you highly for that. I agree with your word you have chosen it also, as it stands for so much more. It goes beyond not only to a physical level but emotional level as well. You have been in my thoughts over the past few months. I wish your family well and hope you all take care.
Hugs, Eulanda

JenN said...

I have never been more proud of you. It's my turn to be honored to be your friend, and to be proud to walk by your side. Love you.

Dani said...

Beautiful post. Your word for this year is a wonderful choice! Hugs and prayers to you all!

Summerthyme Studio said...

The word that came to mind for me while reading your beautiful post is Strength....To continue to be strong for ourselves and others even through sad times and devastation. I feel your loss Sarah and you have been in my thoughts and prayers

Hugs and Love,


Tracey Cuccia said...

Sarah - what a beautiful post. I think of you often.

Your post has given me something to think about - and I think my word for 2010 will be "positive"

I all too often am the pessimist, and can dwell on "the dark side" of things -- I need to change that, and keep positive, overall it will help my mind, body, and spirit as well, as we all know the power of positive thinking.

I wish you a very happy and healthy new year - and nothing but the best from here forward!

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